Profiles - Reading a Book by its Cover

Sometimes it surprises me what people put in their profiles.  I've found "Filthypuppydog" and "Smokesalot".  Not sure what type of response they're expecting - or what they're getting for that manner.

With very little information to go on - it is important that what is in your profile makes a good impression - and grabs the reader, making them want to know more.  There is a time for honesty - but not right up front.  I came across this profile today:
"Do you ever feel like breaking down?
Do you ever feel out of place?
Like somehow you just don't belong
And no one understands you
Do you ever wanna run away?
Do you lock yourself in your room?
With the radio on turned up so loud
That no one hears you screaming

No you don't know what it's like
When nothing feels all right
You don't know what it's like
To be like me

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life"

I don't think he needs to be on a dating site - rather  he needs professional help, which I sincerely hope he gets.

Always the Bridesmaid?

I had been corresponding with a guy for a couple of weeks.  He made me laugh and was able to hold his own up in the conversation (even though it was only electronic).  There was no push to move the connection to a more physical medium (phone or meeting) and I wondered about this, but I was letting him set the pace.  I received his reply this morning - after waiting for more than a week - he has met someone and is focusing on that person.  I admire him all the more for letting me know why he was no longer in contact and also for being "faithful" and not "playing the field".  I don't know if there is anything that I should've done differently - but I am a fatalist at heart.  Guess he just wasn't that into me :(

I have only being doing this for a month.  It would be awesome if it worked, but I need to be paitent and positive.  It will happen.

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A Coffee, But That Was It

So, after a couple of emails back and forth it was finally time to meet.  We agreed on coffee (and I had to put it off a week because of my schedule).  The meet happened as arranged - he got a bit lost and was late, but given we'd exchanged mobile numbers this wasn't a biggie.  I was meeting the guy who contacted me before I'd even put my profile up and I did have my reservations as I wasn't really sure of what we would have in common.  I am trying not to be too limiting in terms of the people that I connect with which was the reason for giving it a go.  In his profile he comes across as a person who stays at home waiting for the world to come to him, but he contacted me without any incentive to do so which I thought meant that he had some gumption, but it wasn't meant to be.  The conversation was stilted and I was floundering around trying to find something of interest to both of us.  He prefers reading about other people's lives, rather than experiencing it himself - something that I just don't connect with.  There was just nothing there.

I'm not disappointed and this is still early days... Here's holding thumbs.

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I Couldn't Say It Better

Not Pretty Enough - A Song by Kasey Chambers

 One of the constant theme's in my dating life so far has been that I am "the other woman" and while I WILL NOT get involved with someone who is in another relationship, I wonder why it is that I am always the 2nd choice.  It would be nice to be first choice sometime.  It seems that the only time that I'm first choice is where I don't like the guy in a romantic way (and yes, I see the irony).

The song is worth listening to, but I'm including the lyrics as well:

Am I not pretty enough
Is my heart too broken
Do I cry too much
Am I too outspoken
Don’t I make you laugh
Should I try it harder
Why do you see right through me
I live
I breathe
I let it rain on me
I sleep
I wake
I try hard not to break
I crave
I love
I’ve waited long enough
I try as hard as I can
chorus
I laugh
I feel
I make believe it’s real
I fall
I freeze
I pray down on my knees
I hope
I stand,
I take it like a man
I try as hard as I can
chorus
why do you see
why do you see
why do you see right through me
….
We’re all pretty enough.
And we all try as hard as we can.
I see you.
Let someone know that they are not invisible.

How Does This Selection Thing Work?

In doing this I’m trying to be relatively flexible about who I get to meet and have only put down 2 “very important criteria”. The person MUST NOT smoke and they must not just be separated. So why is it that my “recommended matches” contain people who have these items in their profiles? In addition, the ages are usually at the younger end of my requested bracket and very rarely older. Not really impressed with their “selection ability” and wondering if this is actually worth the effort that I’m having to put in to find people to connect with.

And then we have the grammar police on my profile updates. I have had minor changes to my heading rejected because they do not comply with the systems grammar rules. Why then do I see profiles written in text short hand singlish all over the place. As the ability to write proper English is important to me I ignore those profiles out of hand (I see the free text box as the cover of the book (ie person). Yes, I shouldn’t judge a book by its cover, but as I have so little other information available and connecting takes time and energy, I’d rather wait for them to take the first move).

I’ve heard back from the guy who originally emailed me. In short he wrote to me because I am white and therefore likely pretty (I didn’t have a picture up at that stage) and have a degree. He is being really open minded – but I’m still a bit hesitant on the cross cultural relationship thing, especially white female, Asian male scenario (the other way around is VERY common – I’ll have to write a post on my take on this phenomena sometime.

Bit disappointed as I haven’t received any more messages from those people I’d contacted. Guess I’ll just have to try some more…

After a Good Start...

Hey - Someone Winked At Me ;)  Awesome! And then another...  But then oops - one is 54 (nearly 20 years older then me) and the other lives in India (and I don't).  Seriously - can't they read?  I am looking for someone that lives nearby (if I wanted a long distance relationship I'd probably contact a couple of guys I already know). 

I heard back from the guy who contacted me and he appreciated the work I'd put in my profile.  He sounds interesting.  I sent a couple of emails to people who's profiles I liked and winked at some others.  Lets see what happens...

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The First Contact - Before I'd Even Started!

"Jane10 someone sent you a mail" popped up in my inbox - mm, strange I thought I've done nothing with my profile - no picture and a description box that says "I need to write 200 characters to get the answers to the test, hopefully now I've met the 200 characters".  Oh well, it was a good impetus to go to the site and update my profile.
And I did.  Completing the tick box and personal information was easy, but there was more to come... The free form text.  How do I complete this so that communicates the essence of me and who I am and makes people want to contact me.  Still not sure I've managed it...  And then a picture... I have been growing my hair and it is now lovely and long - BUT I don't have many pictures of me with long hair.  Fortunately I found one, although the lighting wasn't that good - but it works.
The person who contacted me looked interesting enough (and I was curious as to why he'd contacted me with so little information available) so I responded.  Hopefully this was a sign of good things to come!