Date Idea's - Ice Skating

Dinner and a movie is common and forgettable if you're trying to make a good impression. On average women like a man who comes across as interesting and I suspect that the same applies to men. But we are talking about a first 'date' and there is a lot at stake. How do you make a good first impression without risking it all - he/she may not meet with expectations and you don't want to be stuck with a big bill for a failed evening.  In addition there is physiology... Certain hormones can make you more attractive - so how do we induce those hormones?

My suggestion... Ice skating. Unless either of you has a physical impediment or (most likely she) really, really doesn't like physical activity it is a great idea. If one of you is an expert then they can teach the other. If neither if you know how to skate then you can learn together. Physical contact is part of the experience (holding hands) but is non sexual so is "allowable". Generally there are other people around and the location is safe. Falling is considered part of learning and also an excuse for more physical contact. The exercise promotes the generation of endorphins which enhances the feeling of pleasure and you'll have something to discuss over coffee / dinner / drinks later and possibly a great story to tell at your wedding about your first date :)

I Know Why You're Single

It is said that the definition of stupidity is doing the same thing over and over again and hoping for a different result.  It is likely that most people in the online dating arena have 'failed' to find a match and are now casting their nets in the online world in the hopes of finding someone there.  As a girl reading men's profiles all I can say is "I know why you're single".  Men and Women are fundamentally different and have different needs and wants in a  mate, yet I mostly see profiles that would appeal to other men - rather than the women they hope to attract.

What (this) Woman Want(s)

"What DO women want" is a constant refrain that you hear from men (and other women) and I thought I'd give my own views on the matter to help men navigate the minefield that is cross gender relationships.  Please note that I am basing these points on ME and as we are all individuals they are likely to differ somewhat in specifics.

1. Just To be Listened To

Crappy Experience from Its Just Lunch Singapore

I recently approached a dating agency - Its Just Lunch Singapore - about their services.  I saw an ad on the web and thought “why not – I’m looking to meet people and increase my social circle – lets see what they can do for me”, so I completed the contact form and went on my merry way.  They contacted me the next day and the first thing they asked me was how I found out about the service – information that I’d already given them on the contact form – which they repeated by asking AGAIN if the web was my only source.  They then asked a couple personal questions, told me how the service worked, the cost and we agreed to meet the next day for an interview where they would find out more about me and my requirements, which was fine – although the interview time didn’t suit me that well.  

I’d been having 2nd thoughts about engaging them, but went to their offices anyway to hear what they had to say.  I was led into a room, asked to fill out a clipboard of questions (most of which I’d already answered in my initial contact and the conversation the day before) and offered tea or coffee.  When the tea arrived it was in a polystyrene cup and it was herbal.  It felt cheap (unlike their fee) and nasty.  While I was waiting for the consultant I read the contract which was on a clipboard next to me, only to find that they contravened local regulations on pricing.  That got me thinking – did I want to deal with people that were obviously more concerned about themselves (questions focused how I found them, unclear pricing policies, cheap beverages) than me? The consultant still hadn’t arrived so I decided to leave taking with me the questionnaire that I had completed.  About 30mins later I received a call from the consultant asking what happened to me – and I told her that I was there, but I decided on the balance that I didn’t want their services.  An hour after that I received a phone call saying that I’d taken their “private property”, namely the questionnaire that asked my basic details and preferences in a partner (which was even more basic than an on-line dating questionnaire) and demanding that I return it immediately.  It was at that point that they crossed the line from ‘I had a bad service experience’ to ‘I had a BAD SERVICE EXPERIENCE’.  The following morning I received an ultimatum from them – return the questionnaire OR ELSE.  In all honesty – the reason I took the piece of paper was because I had already completed it and I didn’t want them to have the information about me.  Had I not heard from them again I would probably have thrown it away and laughed at the experience.  Now I’m writing a blog and telling the world about it.  When I spoke to the consultant I asked her why the piece of paper was SO important.  Surely the MORE important thing was why I felt the need to get up and leave before I’d met anyone?  What was it about their service that made me do that?  But no – she just wanted her piece of paper back.

Profiles - Reading a Book by its Cover

Sometimes it surprises me what people put in their profiles.  I've found "Filthypuppydog" and "Smokesalot".  Not sure what type of response they're expecting - or what they're getting for that manner.

With very little information to go on - it is important that what is in your profile makes a good impression - and grabs the reader, making them want to know more.  There is a time for honesty - but not right up front.  I came across this profile today:
"Do you ever feel like breaking down?
Do you ever feel out of place?
Like somehow you just don't belong
And no one understands you
Do you ever wanna run away?
Do you lock yourself in your room?
With the radio on turned up so loud
That no one hears you screaming

No you don't know what it's like
When nothing feels all right
You don't know what it's like
To be like me

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life"

I don't think he needs to be on a dating site - rather  he needs professional help, which I sincerely hope he gets.

Always the Bridesmaid?

I had been corresponding with a guy for a couple of weeks.  He made me laugh and was able to hold his own up in the conversation (even though it was only electronic).  There was no push to move the connection to a more physical medium (phone or meeting) and I wondered about this, but I was letting him set the pace.  I received his reply this morning - after waiting for more than a week - he has met someone and is focusing on that person.  I admire him all the more for letting me know why he was no longer in contact and also for being "faithful" and not "playing the field".  I don't know if there is anything that I should've done differently - but I am a fatalist at heart.  Guess he just wasn't that into me :(

I have only being doing this for a month.  It would be awesome if it worked, but I need to be paitent and positive.  It will happen.

Image from http://www.purevolume.com/listeners/skaterpunkforlife/blog/231989

A Coffee, But That Was It

So, after a couple of emails back and forth it was finally time to meet.  We agreed on coffee (and I had to put it off a week because of my schedule).  The meet happened as arranged - he got a bit lost and was late, but given we'd exchanged mobile numbers this wasn't a biggie.  I was meeting the guy who contacted me before I'd even put my profile up and I did have my reservations as I wasn't really sure of what we would have in common.  I am trying not to be too limiting in terms of the people that I connect with which was the reason for giving it a go.  In his profile he comes across as a person who stays at home waiting for the world to come to him, but he contacted me without any incentive to do so which I thought meant that he had some gumption, but it wasn't meant to be.  The conversation was stilted and I was floundering around trying to find something of interest to both of us.  He prefers reading about other people's lives, rather than experiencing it himself - something that I just don't connect with.  There was just nothing there.

I'm not disappointed and this is still early days... Here's holding thumbs.

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